Following on from last weeks "controversial" post I thought I would share some insight for you, insight on why I'm so passionate about mothering with joy...
Because that is why I wrote last weeks post, because all those thoughts were on my heart & I am so passionate about showing women that it is ok to enjoy mothering & being a wife and having a joyful heart & attitude can be such a blessing for our families.
So lets chat - again.
I've been through hard times - even though in the last week someone did accuse me of never dealing with anything difficult in parenting or in my life. I had to laugh at that.
I have had times that are tough and guess what - sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I was so "hard done by" & writing constantly all about how hard I had it didn't help one bit. Once you pull yourself together and take control - mentally and physically of your life, things get better. I assure you they do.
Our minds are incredibly powerful and we have the ability to control how we feel in life. You either choose to be positive or negative, to mother with joy & heart or bitterness and negativity. And if you choose positivity I bet your life will be better. Our attitudes as Mothers control the tone of our entire home, the saying of "happy wife, happy life" is actually pretty spot on - if Mumma ain't happy, no one is happy. I love being a Mumma with all my heart, I find great joy in mothering - want to know why?
I am grateful for this opportunity, I'm blessed and I'm thankful everyday for my daughter. I know what it's like to try and pray for a long time for a baby & to lose a baby you've longed for & love - so when I had my daughter I vowed to try my best everyday, for her. God entrusted her into my care and I treasure her everyday.
I've dealt with heartbreak, pain, anger & depression - but we have the power to change how we feel in our lives - I did, so I know it is possible. I have friends who have been in similar situations, friends that have lost their babies, friends who have gone through IVF and friends that possibly may never have children - which is so heartbreakingly unfair because I know those women would be amazing mothers, who would mother with all their hearts. These women, in these situations also refuse to sit around and complain how hard their lives are - they just get up and get on with life - they are inspiring to me.
When we were trying for our daughter nothing would make me more furious than reading a post from a Mum on how hard and bad her life was and see her name calling her child... Like I would almost see red, here was someone who had what I was praying for and all they could do was complain & be mean. I always keep that in the back of my mind & perhaps that's why it has never been a desire of mine to complain how hard I have it, my day maybe bad, it maybe a challenging week or a difficult stage - but there is a woman out there praying and longing for my bad day & tough time. I was once that woman. So I know pain, I know hard times and I know how it feels to feel so low and dark. But when I was in those places I refused to sit around & complain how hard done by I was - because yes life sucked - but we have one life. And you don't get the days back where you sit around in self pity. I make a choice every single damn day to enjoy my life and be positive. I don't automatically wake up as "Sally Sunshine" - this takes work, determination and heart & some days it is a lot harder than others and some days I fail at it. But I try. I've been thrown some hard curveballs since I've had my daughter so don't think for a second I've had it "so easy" - every mother/parent/family has struggles, every mum has a hard time. But I refuse to let the hard times define my everyday or negatively affect my mothering style & ability. Sure I have days that aren't perfect, everyone does and some do have it a lot harder than others - but everyone in their own way has struggles. Everyone has moments that challenge them - but do I chose to dwell on them & think my life is so hard? No, because I know what that sort of harm that thought pattern can do. It destroys us.
Now I am not saying we should never ever speak of the hard times or be honest about struggling with the challenges - that is not what I said or am saying... It is important to be real, to speak about things that are hard, to talk about heart breaking topics - but what is not ok is to ridicule and humiliate our families or just have a negative opinion constantly.
I know from personal experience that it is much more socially acceptable to applaud a woman who is calling her kids & husbands awful names & complains constantly about Mothering & being a wife, but when someone comes out and says that it isn't that hard & that she loves her role of being a Mother & wife she is ridiculed. Where is the support & camaraderie for the Mothers who love what they do, who find joy in being a wife and Mumma?
Our families deserve respect, mothers need to realise the life they are living is a product of their own choices & it is our job to ensure our kids have good childhoods.
I said it in the last post, children are products of their environments. If you name call your child, complain & be negative - that's what your child will be like.
And if we want to get in a full debate about this, how about we turn the tables... Would we as a society be as accepting if a husband was to write negatively about his life, wife & kids? Like name call, complain and say how hard his life is? Would we put him on a pedestal or would be horrified that he came out swearing and cursing his loved ones and complaining about life? I urge you to think about that... Because I know the answer and you are lying to yourself if you say he wouldn't feel the wrath of the online community, especially the "mummy community".
Bottom line is - it is never ok to name call your kids - I actually saw a quote the other day that said "sometimes it is ok to call your toddler an asshole" - like what? People actually think that behaviour is ok & we just accept that, because the Mum is having a bad day? I will give the parents who find this acceptable one piece of advice; if your kid is an "asshole" their is only one person who made him that way and you are the person with the power to change that.
My last post wasn't written to tear mothers down - it was written in the hope of being a wake up to call to mothers who are seemingly throwing away a beautiful season of their lives. It may have been on the side of brutal honesty - but I felt it needed to be said. I've been sent a large number of positive emails, messages & also received comments from other Mums who feel the same - so I know I am not alone in feeling this way.
My aim here is to encourage Mummas to change their outlook on parenting - to embrace it, to find the joy in Mothering and share it.
So if you are posting about Motherhood on social media I would love for you to tag me in it
so I can encourage you.
Facebook; Modern Wife Life 31
Snap Chat; Bindy_30
Or hashtag #motheringwithheartandjoy - I'll be stalking that hashtag & liking and commenting! :) And I hope you do the same, lets encourage each other!
I encourage you to share your joy or share your struggles - but do so with heart. We don't need to humiliate our children or husbands to share our stories of bad days... It is ok and totally normal to have days that challenge us, every season of life is like that - but Motherhood can be extra challenging - we are raising a tiny little human! But seek the joy in each day, even if it is a small joy - find that and share it. Be real, but be kind and aim to find the joy even in the rough times...
To the Mothers who are passionate about mothering, I encourage you to encourage others. Use this hashtag, share these posts, post about positivity and the real times & how much you enjoy your life and be proud of it.
A recurring trend I noted in many messages I have received since my last blog post was that some women no longer post the positive - because they feel no one wants to see it, no one cares and everyone just wants to read the negative - well to those Mothers, I want to read it - post the positive and be proud! #motheringwithheartandjoy
I know that at times it's hard to post about how much we love Mothering because people don't want to read how great you are doing & if you post the happy times you are called a liar or fake - social media users seem to only want negativity but Mothering needs to get a better reputation. We need to show the beauty because the bad is so commonly promoted. We need to do this for the Mothers who want to find the positives, for the expectant first time Mums that only see the negativity, for the Mothers who love what they do but feel they can't say it and for ourselves.
Also I urge you to be mindful of the sort of the accounts you follow on social media. Negative voices can impact our lives. You may not notice it but who we associate with and listen to influence our thoughts and lives. Surround yourself with joy & positivity and you will feel it - it's contagious.
It is a beautiful thing to enjoy Mothering and being wife, it isn't a life choice that constantly needs to be torn apart negatively.
Embrace this season of your life.
Be joyful & Mother with all your heart - I encourage you to - you will never regret it.